Travelling Alone ... But Not Being Alone

‘You know what’s funny?’ he chuckled. ‘We’ll have been together longer whilst travelling compared to our whole relationship so far.’

I groaned. Finally, I have this amazing guy in my life…and of course, I won’t be seeing him for the next 4 months.

It was the inevitable pressure that lingered since we first met. Our upcoming adventures were going to be life-changing experiences. Would we still be together by the time we both left? Did we want to be single whilst travelling? Would we be devastated and heartbroken if we pulled the plug just before we left and completely tamper our trips with a sense of melancholy?

It was on the day that I packed my suitcase for the first of many times that I think we both realised we really wanted to be in a relationship, even if it was long distance. ‘Want’ may actually be a strong word, because it’s not the most ideal relationship you’d want with anyone, be that with friends, family or lovers.

Luckily, we’re both quite independent people. Alone time is something we both value. We both have our goals and ideal sense of how we want our lives to be. For me, that meant spending every dollar I’ve ever earned on the stereotypical white girl Europe trip with my best friend. For my partner, that meant working in the US and travelling solo.

So how do you deal with this? You can read plenty of the inspirational tips and wanky quotes like ‘love has no distance’ and whatnot, but the truth is, it’s not that simple and it really sucks.

You’re in different time zones. Some days you won’t even reach Wi-Fi. Calling will be difficult and if you’re lucky enough to Facetime, you’ll be pressed for time. It will be overwhelming some days. It’ll be depressing when they’re not there to chat with you on a bad day. You won’t want to tell them about the bad days in case they worry and you ruin their fun. Texts can be so easily misunderstood and misread. You might clash and struggle to communicate properly, and in the end when you finally apologise, you can’t show them the sincerity in your eyes or hug to accept forgiveness.

It’s hard being in an early relationship and being long distance because you’re still figuring each other out: what jokes are appropriate, how to bring up sensitive information, what even are the rules in your relationship? Do you have expectations of each other?

In saying that…

You learn more about yourself being in this relationship. You learn that, honestly, you really don’t need the other person to physically be anywhere near you to be happy or advance yourself in life whatsoever, though it’s definitely a comforting and exciting perk.

You realise how much you value your significant other. I’m so excited when my phone buzzes from him. I gleam with warmth when he tells me how much fun he’s having doing things he never thought he’d ever do. I’m so proud of the work he’s doing, as well as how far he’s pushing himself out of his previously closed comfort zone. I don’t mope and get frustrated that he can be this happy without me – because he’s still with me. Sharing his experiences is so inviting and thrilling that I do feel part of it also. I can feel him growing as a person with every message and it’s such a unique feeling to say how impressed I am because of that. It’s odd to put it into writing, which proves it’s something I’ve rarely ever felt for a person before.

When you’re both travelling, you get to boast about the wild days you’ve had. At some points you’ll have no idea where each other is exactly and it’s so engaging to share your adventures. Hearing from each other is not an expectation as much as it is a privilege.

In the end, every relationship is completely unique, so this is completely biased. It may or may not work out and that’s just the way things pan out sometimes.

More than anything, I’m just fixated on the fantasy of when I’ll see him for the first time again, and if being happy to see each other isn’t what your relationship is all about than maybe you need to give travelling a go too.